A Childs Love

The one thing in this world I ever want is a daughter of my own. Someone to call me mom, to dress up in pink, to wipe the poop off their butt. I talked to the partner when we first started dating about this, and he said when the time comes we would talk about it. Well even though the time is not there, I tell him how I feel now and his answer is I already have 3 and I don't want anymore. It makes me angry even though it wouldn't happen until like 4 years from now, but it still hurts that now he is totally cut me off from the idea. So I was like then I will try to make his kids mine. I have tried so hard. It seems like Stacey is right, you give someone your all and they let you down. Zaleigh is 3 and her mom has brain washed her to no end. Today she was crying and I asked what was wrong, and she said she wanted to go see her mom. Seeing as we only get her on the weekend, I said Zaleigh it's Me and Dad's turn to have you. Well she says that she doesn't love Ben and me and that she wants to see her mom. It literally is breaking my heart.

I just want to be so angry at her mom for filling her head with such nonsense. I wish the court system would just give her to us full time so that I wouldn't have to deal with the heart ache and pain anymore. She is so young that she doesn't understand that her mother is a whore, and goes through men like showers. She doesn't understand that dad gives mom $800.00 a month so that she has clothes on her back, food in her stomach, and a roof over head. She doesn't understand that her momma has never had a job and that her only purpose for life is to get knocked up by a bunch of random men so that she can get child support from them.

I'm so angry with Zaleigh right now. I feel so let down by what she said. I have tried so hard to gain her love and here for the past month I feel like I had gained it. When she said that I just hurt so bad I broke down crying. I told her that if she feels like she doesn't love me and dad to not call me mommy, but Tina. That I want her to feel toward me what her mom tells her too. I know she is so young that she doesn't understand, but I hope one day she appreciates all of the love, hard work and dedication that me and Ben have put forth to pay child support to her mom even though she doesn't allow us to see her for months, yet the court does nothing.

I'm sorry about the rambling...This step mom thing is so hard,,,and my heart breaks everyday.

Nothings really been going on...

Yep sorry I didn't blog yesterday. The truth is I've been so damn tired I haven't had anytime or wanted to do anything. School beat the shit out of me this week, work blows no matter what day, and I study constantly. The only people I want to be around is my twinkie, brani, shelly, jennifer, Emma, Za, and Lexi...Notice these are all women....Women should rule this frickin world...I was gonna write that I wanted to drink a cold beverage with all these women but a few of these were under age...lol. Anyway, so today I'm at work pretty much all by myself. My goal is to see how little I can accomplish while my boss is out today. I feel so naughty going against "THE MAN"...hahahaha.

Another thing that bothers me,,,why is it ppl text and I don't have thier numbers saved in my phone. Seriously, they are no longer in my phone for a reason...So if I don't text back every holiday when you write, it's probably because I don't want to look like an asshole writing back, "WHO IS THIS?" So needless to say, I will continue NOT to reply to any of your text....ok I'm done ranting....have a good weekend!

I have the worse luck....

I get to work this morning and the phone is ringing off the hook...First my boss asking why isn't my email working, and he's on vacation right now so he is literally flipping out. When I find out I call our IT support and tell them to get over here to fix our stuff. While on the phone with him 2 other agents call in freaking out...I can't get to my email....I'm like wow. Even worse I have a bottle of sprite sitting open on my desk. I turn and hit it with my arm and it spills everywhere so I run to the back and get papertowells and while I'm drying it up, the phone rings again..I go to pick it up and the cord hits the sprite AGAIN, and once again it goes all over my desk...This is a day from hell already....I need a cold beverage.

They never cease to amaze me

So yeah, I'm suppose to get the mustang put on a trailer and take it to the shop to get worked on. So I ask dude I've been dating for a few to take it for me last week and he said sure. Well now that it's this week I asked him if he could take it for me one day this week and he says no. I'm like why, and he says because you won't let me drive it. I'm like "Hello, its nothing against you, I just don't like people driving my vehicles." and then he says its because I think he's not good enough to drive it, and that I don't trust him, and a bunch of other crap. I'm like are you frickin serious. You got all that from me saying that I just don't let anyone drive my vehicles. "COMMON SENSE" I would think you would get that, NO ONE drives my vehicles except : Me, myself, and I. So what I'm really trying to say is,,,dang people read way to far into something so small....Just Thinking about it makes me tired...

Could Have Been Bad

So, I didn't sleep for the past 2 nights studying for 2 exams I have today. So of course I'm living off of Red Bull and 5 hour energy drinks. I decide, hey it might be a good idea to get something to eat for lunch. So I call Pizza Hut and say hello, automatically the other voice says, "Ma'am can I put you on hold?" I was like, "sure!" So I wait 5 minutes and hear the phone click and place my order, and tell chick my name and phone number. I call my little sis up and say hey go pick our pizza up. So she comes back, with not even close to what I had ordered. I'm pretty upset, because not only am I starving to death, but I knew I'd have to call the rude B ,who picked up the phone last time at pizza hut, and talk to her again. Calmly I call, the phone picks up "Ma,am can I put you on hold?" I'm like, "No!" She's like, "well I have another customer on the phone." I said, "I don't care, I just had my order picked up and its completely wrong." She's like, " you told me your name was Sherwin Williams, I was like, "Ma'am are you shitting me." "How the hell do you get Sherwin Williams out of Tina Miller!" So now I'm stuck with 2 large pizzas that are covered in, I DON'T EVEN KNOW, and I refuse to drive back over to pizza hut, because it was their mistake. NOT MINE! Needless to say, now I'm still hungry, pissed off, and still have one more test to take today....NICE HUH?