A Childs Love

The one thing in this world I ever want is a daughter of my own. Someone to call me mom, to dress up in pink, to wipe the poop off their butt. I talked to the partner when we first started dating about this, and he said when the time comes we would talk about it. Well even though the time is not there, I tell him how I feel now and his answer is I already have 3 and I don't want anymore. It makes me angry even though it wouldn't happen until like 4 years from now, but it still hurts that now he is totally cut me off from the idea. So I was like then I will try to make his kids mine. I have tried so hard. It seems like Stacey is right, you give someone your all and they let you down. Zaleigh is 3 and her mom has brain washed her to no end. Today she was crying and I asked what was wrong, and she said she wanted to go see her mom. Seeing as we only get her on the weekend, I said Zaleigh it's Me and Dad's turn to have you. Well she says that she doesn't love Ben and me and that she wants to see her mom. It literally is breaking my heart.

I just want to be so angry at her mom for filling her head with such nonsense. I wish the court system would just give her to us full time so that I wouldn't have to deal with the heart ache and pain anymore. She is so young that she doesn't understand that her mother is a whore, and goes through men like showers. She doesn't understand that dad gives mom $800.00 a month so that she has clothes on her back, food in her stomach, and a roof over head. She doesn't understand that her momma has never had a job and that her only purpose for life is to get knocked up by a bunch of random men so that she can get child support from them.

I'm so angry with Zaleigh right now. I feel so let down by what she said. I have tried so hard to gain her love and here for the past month I feel like I had gained it. When she said that I just hurt so bad I broke down crying. I told her that if she feels like she doesn't love me and dad to not call me mommy, but Tina. That I want her to feel toward me what her mom tells her too. I know she is so young that she doesn't understand, but I hope one day she appreciates all of the love, hard work and dedication that me and Ben have put forth to pay child support to her mom even though she doesn't allow us to see her for months, yet the court does nothing.

I'm sorry about the rambling...This step mom thing is so hard,,,and my heart breaks everyday.